Shuhui Shut up. I will kill you if .. knows -.- And we're not .. okay. So shh!
Beatrice Err _bitterbeauty :) That is more for public entries, comments & shopping! Heh!
Yf Codes? Of?
Sara Good luck love! Heh yay thanks! We'll talk more when you're over & done with exams allright? :) Much loved!
April Didn't I tell you that Blogger was down for me 'cos of SingNet & I blogged temporary at Lj?!!
Cherine Lovelove for Cherine (:

The kind of flawless I wish I could be.



To be upset over what you don't have, is a waste of what you do have.

I will remember never to cry when you've decided to walk out on me any time from now. I will remember never to feel upset when you've decided to tell me we've come to the end of yet another chapter of my life of you & I. I will not whine for more of you, more of Glynis I knew when she was with you in this chapter, more of you & I together in this chapter.

Because holding onto something that is dying, doesn't help to keep it alive. At times like these, I just gotta say goodbye, turn away, dry my tears & never look back.

Oh this guy here is such a sweet boyfriend. His girlfriend is so blessed! The videos are so sweet & all. Awww (:

It's amazing how you can make me think so much an hour ago & after that, you got me smiling like an idiot to my cellphone.

I had a moment of lost, a moment of uncertainty, a moment of fear, a moment of losing someone this afternoon. A total mixture of emotions all at one time. My heart throbbing so rapid. I stared at the text, had questions in my head. I put the phone down, continued with what I was doing with half my mind wandering off with the questions I have. Not 'til the third text came, I felt so relieved. I wish you knew how that actually felt like.

Chinese program officially starts today. Hello to more Chinese papers. I am like playing the Guess-the-Answers game. I'm going to try my best every now & then for every paper given during this time until Chinese Os. Wing got an A1!! 'Cos she got Chinese tuition. Hahaha oh Maths tuition with Bestaye's tutor starts this coming Thursday (: I'm excited. I'm finally having a proper tutor with fixed timetable though the fees are about thrice of how much I pay Miss Tan. But that's because Miss Tan has been teaching for about.. seven years now? Yeh so she charges my fees a lot cheaper (:

Got back my Chinese & English today, C5 for both (: I'm quite happy for my Chinese. And I realised today, maybe I should have realised it long ago but I just didn't, that my parents will never be happy with whatever I do. Things that I've done right, made they happy, they'll never remember but things that I've done wrongly, in the wrong way, they'll remember it all their lives. It's not just friends, I thought was just the fucking friends that I have who does that. But now it's isn't seem that way anymore.

Zel failed all her fucking subjects except for Maths which she barely passed by 4 marks. I was trying to reason it out with mom, keep trying to help Zel & what do I get? Screamed straight in my fucking face. Why? Because I do not know how to guide her in her studies. Because I gave up teaching her after trying so hard. Because I'm a bad example. Because I'm on the comp on day. Because whatever I have, she also wants so I shouldn't want or have anything. Because to them, in their eyes, I was supposed to be perfect but never was & Zel will always be that perfect one. I'm always at fault. Since when I weren't? Because when I try, they don't see it. Because when I do well, it wasn't even well enough for them to consider it's good for them to be happy about.

I was never able to make you happy, was I?

If I knew this would happen, I wouldn't wanna try, I wouldn't bother so much to keep mending up the gaps between us. If I knew you couldn't be bothered with your academic results at all, I shouldn't even bother to take so much time out to help you, to keep drilling this formula, that formula into your head. If I knew I'd be getting all these from the three of you, I wouldn't hug mummy when she cry, I wouldn't comfort Zel when she was so afraid, I wouldn't tell Daddy to be take care of himself, eat more 'cos I miss that fat tummy Dad of mine, have a great day at work & let him know that I care & do love him after all. I wouldn't get Mummy the whole tray of donuts when I go down to town. I wouldn't at all.

You said I was shit, shit to you. You said it, I heard it, two others in the room heard it too. I was useless to you, how fucked up a daughter I am to you. How many times have I been hurt by you verbally? Your diction tries to hit the softest, most fragile part of me. How I always tell myself these words should've lost its prick now, the vicious effect after a good ol'17 years. Secretly, I do wanna be heard. Why? Why do I always get this whenever I try? Have I not try hard enough to make you happy? Have I not try hard enough to not let Daddy scold me, so he'd collapse one day at my feet? Have I not been hiding my emotions so you'll still see me happy though everyone else could see that I'm so drained, so upset & moodless? How many times do I have to hide at a corner & cry, hide the tissue paper I've used? Do you even know? Do you not know every other night your daughter cries like a child over several issues?

We need to stop this. I need to move on. I hope I'd get over this in 3 hours' time. I'm sorry not because I am not perfect but sorry for being the daughter you wished you never own. This has been hell for you, you & you? It weren't easy for me either.


The only person who made me feel a little better was Jvern. Thanks a lot, you tried I know. All the best for your Maths paper one tomorrow allright? Don't panic, just relax♥ Eden writes really well by the way. Her lj is super good read. I'm gonna go sleep now. Goodnight everyone.

[Edited]
Fuck. If Wing hadn't mention about it, I would have forgotten. There's class photoshoot tomorrow. And the question is.. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO TAKE PHOTOS WITH MY EYES LIKE THAT! Okay I seriously hope the swell subsides by tomorrow morning.

P/s: Looking forward to our movie & lunch date :D Teehee
[/Edited]

I can remember parking lot nights.
What did they mean to you?
Wrapping my arms around your body,
protecting and holding you.

Labels: chinese program, edited, emotions, monday, mummy'sbirthday, results, Sad, tears

Ctee No la, haha. I just anyhow paste paste paste k. I did the last minute work again luh :/ I still got chem & bio to deco. Ugh. I thought you were taking Art?
Vonn Hey babes. Why -.-! I wasn't fucked up 'cos you called my name yeh, if you're -.- because of that. Anyhoos, I find it's so disappointing to see me :/ As in, my readers seeing me. ):
April I love my ft :) Heh. & she looks like - :) :) :) :) How exciting. Heh. I need the bio book!! >:(

Hello heartache, you're like an old friend; come& see me again.


I was feeling so troubled at school but I have no idea what is it. I tried making myself feel better but I don't know why, it just doesn't work. And the worst thing is that, I don't even know why am I feeling this way. Oh well, I thought I'd probably know it or hopefully feel better when I get home. But no I guess. Sigh.

Anyway, I really like this cheena song.

(Click on the green icon to play, wait for it load)
Click here for dah lyrics.

I'm not a big fan of cheena songs but some really express my emotions & some are how exactly I'm feeling at the moment in time. Best used this song to make a video for her love :) I like the video, berry sweet & yeh the song, touched me as well.

Right so school was as usual today. I was in my worst, longest, highest belt uniform which is so damn bloody uncomfortable. Why? 'Cos Mrs Ong told us that every Mon, Wed & Fri, she is gonna do a regular spot check on our attire. How annoying. But I guess she had to do this 'cos she's in the discipline department & she can't not do anything to it when everyone is complaining about 5B's attire issue. :/ Anyway Bio was the first period. I cannot stand her squeaky & throat infection voice. :/ Worse of the worst, I haven't got my bio textbook. So kind souls who takes Bio & do not need that ugly green with spider & tiger book anymore, please I beg you, donate it to Glynis. She needs it to study, to be less distracted in class, so that she'll pay attention & not daydream even more when she have actually spent half her day daydreaming away. Your help would be much appreciated. (:

So during bio, we were learning about glands which sounds like Glyns & it's so irritating! Haha. Bestaye kept calling me, kept saying that I produce sweat & milk(?). Ew sounds so gross! Hahaha. After Bio was SS. Got back our test & I got 13/20 :) Rather happy. The first time I'm passing SS after that 20/25 back in 2004, when I was in Sec3. Heh. I'm gonna try to love SS la, I have to. Chinese is stupid, really. But I learned 6 words today & I'm proud of myself.

And I have to say this. I was also feeling so disguised & disgusted today at school. I don't know if it's because I didn't know how to let out that bag of unknown feelings(K in the first place, I don't even know what is it) in me. It was so uneasy. Anyone of you have felt that way before? I think this is my first & I hope this would be the last time as well(I doubt so).

Had recess(ha I couldn't even eat in peace) then English. Miss Chew came in & started scolding the class like mad. I wonder if she already know that our class wants to appeal to change English teacher. She's nice when she is not teaching, honestly. Did compre & lazed around. It was time for bio again. I was just copying whatever Miss Rai had on the board. I'll have to copy it back into my notebook once I'm done with the decorating & all. We only had one period of Maths so it's damn short. Only managed to go through a few questions. Talked to Mrs Ong for awhile after that & she sent us off to English class. Finished up my compre during English & dismissed.

Accompanied Shyan to Compass. Bought my sketchbook, files & whatnot. Went down to Mos, Shyan bought her food. Sass & Shermin came over to say hi& they accompanied me to buy food for mummy & after that, I went home.

I find it so upsetting that the memories you've selected to
keep are the bad but the good, you just forget.

Ugh there's Art tmr & I need to start my research again. Oh fuck & tmr I think we need to stay until the school gate close for Art again, like last year. Grr...

I realised it has been hard on Mom, though she doesn't show it, doesn't tell Dad about it. I know she doesn't wanna affect Dad with her emotions but I thought it'd be better if she had told Dad how she feel & all. I mean, telling each other how you feel towards something in a relationship, to me, it's important. It's something that I want to make it a habit with my partner in the near future. I like sharing my thoughts with the one I love; be it good or bad.

Should I go for dinner or not? Ugh I guess I should. I'd still be online later, maybe I'll blog more. I have to much to rant.

[Edited]
K I'm home from dinner & I guess I found out why I was so troubled & everything. I needed a big loud cry to let out everything I've been keeping inside of me, I guess. I feel so overstressed & all I was trying so hard to hold back my tears in dad's car just now. I didn't wanna cry in front of them. Mom thought that I'm coping well but no I guess I worry a little too much. I can't help not worrying. I need a new tutor who doesn't aeroplanes me all the time. I understand that she is busy with her life as well but I mean, if she really can't find the time to teach me, why not just let me know? Ugh

Just now when we were on our way home, Mom was talking about how miserable she was when she was expecting us, both Zel & I. & I kept saying, I shouldn't have asked for a sister then probably now, I'd get whatever I want. I knew that Zel was hurt but I was wondering.. What if Mom wasn't pregnant with her, what would life be like right now? Come to think about it, Zel did helped me in some things. Usually when I'm in trouble :D Heh.

Anyhoos I've just printed my Art stuff. I think I'll go finish a little of Thursday's maths & go to sleep. I'm not feeling that bad now. I guess I'm a lot better now :) I'm kinda worried(yeh again) for school tmr. My attire, my Art stuff & a lot more la. I don't know why am I worrying so much. Ughhhhhh

P/s: Actually.. What is the worst thing you've ever done?
P/p/s: Maineylove, cheer up okay & I love you :) I hope everything goes well allright! Bighugs.
P/p/p/s: Happy birthday to fifty-years-no-change love <3
I'm sorry.
[/Edited]

The deepest of my thoughts raced through my head that night.
A smile spreads across my face; beautiful is this life.

Labels: edited, imeem, monday, school

Phyllis School ends at 0210pm everyday but 0135pm on Fridays. Haha yay great to hear that babes! :D I was wondering if you're hvaing a great day at school on the first day. Hahah :)
Jo Haha we had the student's meal la! Not rich k. Sad 'cos I didn't get to talk to you & all. Hahaha. Nah my mom was like asking why I didn't wanna go, this & that, haha.
Mary Relinked!(: Hahah yeap funfunfun! I like your LJ's layout!
Ctee Ay I'm so happy k, 'cos I know who are you already :D Well, actually I was guessing if it was you. Hahha yayness I'm smart :D Anyhoos, you're pretty! & I think you changed bag tday, right?! Hahah I didn't remember la, I got them on the net (: Found them meaningful anyway. Hahah. It's early in the morning & Hello Miss Ctee, allllllllll the teachers are just right behind my class. How can I not stay awake! I was damn worried about my uniform. Hahah anyway did you get caught for anything?!

I could capture the stars, bring them all down to earth
But nothing could ever show you what you're worth

School's such a bitch. We spent most of our time in hall again, having talks & more talks. Morning we had another round of spot checks again. Grr.. I'm so sick of it. It's like the third or forth time checking already. Mrs Ong is nice (: She asked me to iron my uniform straighter so she won't catch me for the length of my skirt. It's supposed to be in the middle of the knee but it's a little shorter so she said maybe I could try ironing it a little straighter, I asked her how & she taught me how to :)

Went back to class after a few talks. Discussed about the CIP thing. We're all done with the planning & all (: Gonna play Musical Chairs & Pass the Parcel! :D How exciting. Sassy gonna bring her speakers while I'll bring my iPod. (I wonder what song to play sia. Hahaha 50Cent's Candy Shop? Justin T's Sexyback? Hahah)

[Edited]
Bestaye, Mich & I decided that we're gonna buy the new school uniform. It's safer, easier & less time-consuming. Don't have to waste time arranging our uniforms after we stand up & all. Yay at least I have company :D
Though this may sound plain but.. I love you :)
I miss you 928437 :)
We were sitting in the hall & Mich was holding her face with her palms, resting her elbow on her thighs. I had the urge to press the light on her watch & I did. And I even wrote it down in my notebook to blog about this. Michelle's damn act cool about her new piinkiie watch 'cos when you press the light & all, got different pattern. There's animation, something like that. Hahaha :D

Mrs Ong made Sass & I buddies to remind each other to button up our collars. Hahaha!

We were talking about itineraries for the day & all..
Mrs Ong Okay ah.. K Glynis, do me a favor.. -put arms around me
Me Huh.. What? (In my mind I was like 'Oh shittttt is she gonna ask me to alter my belt? Noooo shit man')
Mrs Ong You button up first, you button up first..
Me -buttons up
Mrs Ong You make sure Sarah buttons up all the time, & yourself too.
Me Huh so if she don't, I kena la?
Mrs Ong Uhhh yeh la! Okay?
Me Huh.. Okay lor.

Later on when we were going to the washroom, Mrs Ong made Chanel & Shyan buddies too. Hahah 'cos Shyan didn't button up. Hahaha!

After all the dumb talks, headed back to homeroom. Mrs Ong told us about her plan & all. 5B's gonna do better than 4_ ! Not gonna tell you who, hmph. Mrs Ong even allowed the class to sit with our own clans & stuff, provided we behave ourselves. (: She's niceeeee. And we're going to her house! :D Haha she said we can make an appointment with her, she'll keep that day for us, be at home & call for buffet for us! :D Awww isn't she nice? Don't be jealous okayyyyyy!

After school, went to Compass with Bestaye & Shyan. Had Mos for lunch, yum! :D

Edited
We were talking & Bestaye just snapped. Haha candid! K retarded handssss :/

After lunch, we went up to Value shop to get stuff for the CIP on next Thursday. Bought quite a lot of things & we are only left with $11.90 from the $50 that was given to us to spend. Helped Bestaye with the things & waited for a cab with her. Shyan & I went to 7-11 to get my magazine & went off home (:

Maybe love will find us again. <3
I hope it does, find you & I.
Parents are out now, along with Zel. They're going to swim, I think. I just had dinner, in front of the com while blogging & I'm almost done with my work. Yayness.

Should I drop art? Should I stop blogging? Should I go out tmr? Should I do whatever I need to do now? Should I watch some teevee? Should I create a blog to put up avatars? Should I text her & congratulate her? Should I call her later? Should I should I should I!

Ahhhhhh I'll go send Shyan songs, check up the Photoshop installation code, do up Alvina's layout & finish up my homework. Imma' good girl. (:
-

My maths. Oh god, it's horrendous! I've got like more than 10 questions that I don't know how to do. Boohoo ): Anyone wanna head out tmr? :D [/Edited]

I'd probably say that you've been on my mind
Since we sat underneath the stars
As I held you in my arms

Labels: blockquote, conversation, edited, friday, Indecisive, photos, school