Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain.

I'm seeing one couple breaking up after another. How cruel can this world be? But then again, life isn't a bed of roses. If there are ups in life, there's bound to be downs as well. This world is beautiful. And as beautiful as it may be, it isn't perfect. Perhaps that's one of the lowest event in their life - Break up.

I woke up this morning, feeling anxious for practical exam. I don't wanna screw it up, I want to do well. Practical would be the only one along with MCQ that'd help to pull my science marks up. I went into the bathroom, washed up & showered, did my hair & came out. While waiting for B to come over, I decided to surf net to kill time. I went on Friendster & started hopping from profiles to profiles. Replied comments, left comments for the birthday girls. I went into Jacq's profile, then into her sister's. Went into her blog & linked to Jacq's.

Whilst reading, I was tearing silently. Dad took leave to accompany Zel today, he was in the living room, watching telly. I was hoping he doesn't charge in anytime soon like he always do. I don't know why but I just cannot have my loved ones being hurt, seeing them getting hurt. Not just Jacq in this situation but Jon as well. Maybe you say I'm too young to salvage this love but that isn't what I wanna do. I'm not in the right position to do such a thing. I just wanna share their pain, be there for them. It applies to my friends as well. As I went on reading, I teared more.

The other night, after we had dinner at SSC's coffeehouse, Jon & I were in the arcade, playing video games. He kept saying that he's tired, wanna head home. Maybe I'm sensitive, I felt as though he just wanted to be home, have an early night & not think about anything else. After that, we got bored & went to sit around with the rest near the pool. Dad was on my left & Jon on my right. I was stoning, then I don't know how but trails of thoughts led to thinking of how Jon must've been feeling at that moment. I still haven't recover from the shock I had from Laojie when she told me the news on Sunday then. I was eager (I know, you'll say I'm kpo. Thanks ah! -.-) to know why the break up. I want to know, I want to be there for him like how he was always there to listen to me when I rant. Maybe not all the time but he's like a big brother to me. I always remember his words, how he said that he'd be there when I get into any sorts of trouble.

To be absolutely honest, (pardon me, Shu Fen) at times I dare not get too close to him 'cos I know, I were his girlfriend, I'd feel insecure, from the way he plays with his cousins (aka me, Merlz, whoever). I kinda understand that feeling but I just cannot bring myself away from him because to me, he's like my own brother. So I play with him as I like to 'cos he's my brother. I told mom about it today, how I felt to this shocking piece of news. She told me it's fate. And I agreed.

Who knows? One day I might be in this situation as well..

Wednesday 171007


The message on the flower.

Left: I took this, randomly. Right: The flower

Left: My mom, being retarded. Right: My family

Went to school in the morning. Did maths & all. Went for lunch later on with Xiuwen & Cecilia It's nice being them! Sass came later on to meet us. They left for school to meet Mrs Ong while I headed to the LRT station with Sass. Went home, she got her stuff printed & left. All of a sudden, the house became quiet & really peaceful Lonely, I am so lonely. I have nobody for my own.

I did this to attract your attention.
Click here
My sale post (: Hee.

Thursday 181007
Met B in the morning for breakfast. Cold war 'til an hour before the paper. Headed down to school with Jac while B went to shop around at VivoCity. Waited for Sass to come & we went into school. Qiaos came, went up to the IT Resource Room at around 1230pm, talked & studied 'til it was our turn. Practical was alright. Chem was like the ultra killaz. Bio was alright. After the paper, it was raining very heavily, like cats & dogs, monkeys & donkeys. B had an umbrella, Qiaos too so we sheltered to the overhead bridge to take a bus to Compass. We were all drenched though we had umbrella with us. Our shoes have got holes! Hahah.

They wanted to eat Mac's but B cannot 'cos she's having a bad sore throat. And we had Mac's in the morning already. So we headed up to the food court to ear instead. We argued for like at least 15 minutes before we settled down. It was fucking embarrassing but I couldn't be bothered. Ate & stuff, things got better. Nel, Sass & Qiaos came up to find us. Sat around & talked. 0530pm, Nel went to find Mariel & we all went back. B accompanied me to go Boon Keng to get my cardigan (!!). Now it's with her, heh :) Yay happy me!

Came home, Jermaine called so I talked to her. She's so adorable Showered, skipped dinner. Talked to mummy & watched tv.

B was supposed to come over tomorrow & have lunch but since Daddy's on leave again, I shall stay home & accompany him. While I was talking to mom just now, she sounded as though she was gonna bring me out when she comes back from work so yay!

I've worked out my timetable for Nov, after Os end Hooray! I'll get them up here tomorrow or something. I'm tired. -yawns


I'm skipping Maths tomorrow. No one's going again so I shan't be an idiot. As much as I want to go, I'm a little lazy to wake up so early in the morning. Heh. I have a lot of mosquito bites on my legs. There's one on my feet that hurts fucking badly. Grrr! K I shall turn in now. Goodnight loves :)

Let the fun and games begin
She is spayed and broken in
Skin is cold and white
Such a lovely lonely night

Labels: emo, emotional ramblings, emotions, photos, school, thursday, wednesday

Brenda Omg you lazy bum. Haha i love you tooosxzxz :)

A woman's heart is a deep ocean of secrets.



Awfully true, I like that line above.

In life, we've bade goodbye to more people than we can count. Some goodbyes are hurried & furtive- the sort that you say at night to a neighbor who got threatened by death & is leaving secretly at the break of dawn. Some goodbyes are emotional & long-drawn, to the relatives or friends who're leaving your side to pursue their dream, their goals in life or even to go on a search for the love of their lives & for some, they leave your side to go to another world where we'll never see them again. Most goodbyes are said casually- with a false smile plastered on the face & the words, 'See you soon!'.. Only to walk out of the door & want to collapse with the burden of parting with yet another loved one.

I was talking to Vilvian on MSN & she mentioned about her cousin who is 16 this year & recently, lost his girlfriend of 4 years to lung cancer. They were together ever since they were in P5, things were well & good until they had to part. He seemed allright to everyone else but when he was talking to Vilvian about his girlfriend, she could see the pain in his eyes. At the age of 16, I wonder how he handle the pain of separating with the one whom he spent (365 x 4) days together with. It's not gonna be easy but now he has moved on with life & he's gonna start attending school this week. Vilvian is so proud of him :) I'm so sorry about his girlfriend but glad that he's positive & willing to go on this life journey happily without her around.

Goodbyes make you think, they make you realize what you've had, what you've lost, and what you've taken for granted. But what is goodbye exactly about? Sometimes you've just got to learn to let go. Perhaps that is it. What say you? :)
=

Very emo, I know.

Yesterday was super boring. I got there, sat around, read books that left on the table. Godpa was crying. I felt the pinch & I went to stand at the balcony. I was scared, too. Sticked around 'til Jon, Shufen, & Pam came, we watched teevee & ate dinner. Cousin came with his three kids. Omgosh the youngest one is so fucking cute. I can't find the camera & her photo is insideeeeeeeee okay I found it. Now Blogger doesn't wanna cooperate with me. Fuck it. Oh please ignore my face. I had a baaaaaaad hair day okay.



So cute la please. Got home around 7pm, went online 'til around 12am. Was talking to Prunella & April (: Watched teevee with Zel & slept at around 1am.

Day was well-spent at Aunt's place :) I wasn't feeling good, I had cramps but the company was perfect. Cousins were around to fill the place with laughters, unlike any other Sunday afternoons with only myself, Zel, Cherilyn & Jermaine. Minhui & Yonghan came over with their parents to get some stuff from Mom. They stayed until it was time for dinner.








From left to right: 1) Jermaine 2) Maine & me 3) Maine & Minhui 4) Me & Minhui 5) Maine & Yonghan 6) They three = We three when younger! 7) Maine & me 8) Myself & maine, negative 9)Maine & me 10) Yonghan & me

Had dinner & came home. Oh Maine was sick. She was vomiting but she looked okay, still playing & stuff. I asked her to dance for us but she didn't want. Weren't in the mood, I guess. Dad drove her, Aunt, Zel & Mom to the nearby clinic to consult a doctor. Haha she came home telling us all that the doctor instructed her to drink 100plus. Hahaha! That was to help her wash her stomach luh. She's down with a stomach flu. I used to think stomach flu means my stomach is sneezing :/ Retarded I know.


Watching Ugly Betty now. School tmr, fuckkkkkkkk. There's Maths class test on trigo, sin/cos rule & bearings tmr. Art on Tuesday. Chem re-test & Chinese remedial on Wednesday. There's chalet on Friday & Saturday. I feel like dying. Omg Betty damn poor thing! K goodnight sexys. Off to watch my teevee & go on talking to Xav online (:

This emptiness is killing me but I haven't told anyone about it yet. Or rather, I can't find someone whom I'm comfortable with to tell to. Oh well.. ):

P/s: I'm not writing my goodbyes.

I look around me,
And I want you to be there
'Cause I miss the things that we shared.
Look around you.
It's empty, and you're sad
'Cause you miss the love that we had.

Labels: emo, jermaine, photos, saturday, sunday