Why wait any longer for the world to begin?

Dear friend,

I really want to tell you what's going on in my life. I want to tell you about the boy from school who I really like, but can't go out with because he has a girlfriend. You know, the one who seems like a bad boy on the outside but is really a sweetheart. I want to tell you about the cute boy who used to like me. The one I didn't even look twice at because if he was interested in me I knew there was something wrong in his head. I don't think he likes me anymore anyway now that he's gotten to know me. That's how it always goes with me. I want to have sleep overs on the weekends and get drunk and go see movies and go shopping with you. I want to walk around each other's neighborhoods at three in the morning and stay up to watch sunrises while we talk about the lust which ruined our weekends and the love which ruined our lives. I want people to talk about us like we're joined at the hip, combine our names into one with nospacesinbetween. I want a lot of things I can't have, but more than anything in the world I want you to be my best friend. That's never going to happen. People like me don't have best friends. You can't trust me, and I won't let you. I won't get close to you because I'm afraid of losing you. I'll protect you from me and protect me from myself by avoiding confrontation, which will lead us to a falling out, inevitably. I will keep secrets from you and tell your secrets to people you hate in order to push you away. I'll do anything to keep myself from getting attached to you because I've been there before and I don't want to go back to being dependent on anyone. But I'd do anything to change. I wish I was the type of person who knew how to make friends and keep them. I wish I had the ability to have you or anyone for that matter as my best friend. I don't and I know this. So please don't underestimate my power to destroy what we have. The destruction of relationships is my trademark move. I want to tell you everything, but I never will.

I miss you..

Boring Christmas eve got me doing this.

I shopped so much online, oh shit. I ought to be shot, seriously. I passed by theminidelights.lj that sells really cute handmade earstuds (click?). They are made of jumping clay, thus the light weight! Super cute okay. I like the strawberry & donuts one :) so cute!

Dinner with the family was fab, at my favourite coffee shop :) Cereal prawns is lurvvvve!


An hour & 34 minutes to Christmas, who's excited?! I'm not :/ I just thought Christmas would be spent with the person I love but rahhhh no! :( shan't talk about it, really makes me boil. To make it worse, B & I have been really rocky these days :/ Bedtime, goodnight!

I take it slow because I have time
Back to the days when you were mine
Back to this faulty relationship
Back to the days when we both fit

Labels: blockquote, jermaine, jermaine'sbirthday